Avoiding essays with Mary-Louise Parker

I am sorry I have not been on here in a while world.
Yet I am more sorry that I have been spending most of my waking hours avoiding writing a useless essay and doing more peer reviewing than most males in a co-ed PE class when they hit puberty.

Usually my avoiding of essays is fruitless and I am left with five empty tea cups, empty packet of caramel buds and a body clock that operates on a similar level to that of a koala. However, sometimes you stumble across some pure gold. For example today I found a quiz on face book that tells you how long your penis is. Oh the brilliance of technology! I swiftly completed this quiz and discovered that I am, shall we say well equipped in the pseudo-facebook-penis department. I also discovered a list compiled by the lovely Mary-Louise Parker of “Weeds” on the Ten Types of Music No Man Should Own. I think she’s pretty much on the money, although it could be re-titled Ten Types of Music That No one Should Own


1. Records by any act whose name is of a Greek or Latin etymology, i.e. Styx, Megadeth, Yanni.

2. Any recording of Carousel, original Broadway cast or national tour.

3. Any recording by an act or artist who owns a copy of any recording of Carousel.

4. Any soundtrack involving earnest undersea creatures who sing or play drums as they struggle to find their way home ie. The Little Mermaid

5. The soundtrack or singles from any aerobics movie featuring Olivia Newton-John or John Travolta.

6. Any album containing a pop song with recordings of whales or dolphins in the background.

7. Any album by Paul after George died, any album by George after John died, and any album by Ringo after Elvis died.

8. Any of the volumes of Lilith Fair: A Celebration of Women. The DVD is equally, if not more, unacceptable.

9. Any album released between 1984 and 1988 by men wearing unitards or kimonos. Except Boy George.

10. Any tracks or bootleg recordings of the Kiss: Alive II tour. Unless you are twelve.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/music/sex-music-turnoffs-031209?click=main_sr

A comprehensive list, although I disagree with the little Mermaid nomination.


On an even more useless note; if you have a spare moment of time on your hands, or if you don’t and you just enjoy doing pursuing the useless instead of the constructive (which is probably why you’re on this blog) then here is some cool shit you can do today, or tonight, or in between.

My advice for today is (particularly if your avoiding doing something work related):
1. Listen to: Pavement- Slanted and Enchanted, Grizzly Bear – Yellow House and Rain dogs- Tom Waits
2. Watch the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld.
3. Get caught up in a blog vortex (y’know, click one link then another and then another and then. BAM two hours of blog vortex time)
4. Go to Marrickville Pork Roll shop and get a Salad Roll- Seriously, they are UNBELIEVABLEY DELICIOUS
5. Stay up late and ruin you body clock (like Kramer)
6. Eat lots of carrots it’s good for night vision, which is handy if you staying up late and ruining your body clock as suggested above.
7. Ready The Waltz by Dorothy Parker, or anything by her for that matter. She is a weapon and if I could write like her my life would be complete. Well nearly.