Nintendo’s mascot is a short, pudgy, Italian plumber

Need to save the kingdom defeat the bad guy get the girl at the end?

Now many would think that to achieve all this one must have super video game powers that involve something along the lines of: ultimate-blastoid- awesome- gun - lazar- death stars-fire ball- seismic toss- super-death karate chop-agility-thunder bolt

Well Nintendo laughs in the face of all these hopelessly boring stereotypes.

While Sega’s “Street fighter” was just a bunch of trailer trash giving each other nipple cripples Nintendo was devising a video game team that was nay on unbeatable. And you know why? Because their main characters include an Italian plumber a mushroom and …Well I don’t know what the fuck Yoshi is (after doing a quick Google search on my favourite green- licking- egg shitting character I discovered that he is in fact a dinosaur.). Now that my friends is pure 100% triple distilled awesomeness.



Mario


Oh Mario- you were never my favourite character, always the “all rounder” with no specific talent except for speaking like a hideous Italian stereotype and perhaps fixing the people of the Mushroom Kingdom’s toilets as their local plumber. But where would my childhood be with out thee? (Note: probably more educated).

Mario is the Mascot for Nintendo and has appeared in over 200 video games, which is a huge achievement by anyone’s standards. Mario first appeared in the Donkey Kong arcade game and was referred to as “Jumpman”. Apt Yes. However after this first appearance he has since progressed to other skills such as puzzles, racing, sports, fighting, role-playing, educating and even making cameos. For a character that his creator Shigeru Miyamoto expected to be very unpopular he has done very well for himself.



Yoshi

Communicates in a completely tonal manner, which essentially no one can understand except, you guessed it Yoshi, which also means get the fuck out of the way or your gonna get eaten. Then pooped out again as an egg.



Luigi

Has been described in Wikipedia as “cowardly, but when he does get the courage to step up, he can be tough and overcome his fears”.
Well to that I say: Whatever, you’re a massive winger when you lose at Mario tennis, which is often. Very often.



Global oil crisis- who you gonna call?
Bowser

Bowser is known as Kuppa in Japan. Miyamoto named him 大魔王 クッパ or “Daimaō Kuppa” meaning "Great Demon King Koopa". Kuppa came from the Japanese name for, gukbap, a Korean dish.

So logically:
Korean food +Nintendo+ Petrol = enemy spiky turtle beast king, yes?



Toad


According to Wikipedia “Toad is the general collective name of the "Mushroom People" found in the Mushroom Kingdom, who are a sapient, anthropomorphic race with a peaceful and human, following monarchistic culture.”

Toad is my favourite character, namely because he is a mushroom, however “monarchistic culture”? Communist revolution I say!



Boo

The most amazing ghosty ever



Shy Guy

The most amazing masked dude ever



This photo blows my mind.